The morning ritual of an unfamous, unrich, unmotivated, unproductive writer
I love reading all these half-arsed, click bait posts about the morning rituals of the rich and famous. They give me a warm fuzzy glow. So, here’s my morning ritual to get you glowing:
- Get up with the sun… … streaming through the gaps between the window frame and the wall #disasterfarm #YogaCorpsePose
- Find a lime green croc from under the bed – #YogaCobraPose – climb carefully over a 50 kilo, black, wolf x rottweiler to get the other s-lime green croc he’s been cuddling all night. #YogaDownwardfacing(big)dogPose
- Tip toe to the door which is jammed half open (#disasterfarm) – shimmy round and tread on tail of perpetually confused German shepherd boy, sleeping half in and half out of the room. Bang head on jammed door, hop around a bit – #YogaOowfacePose
- Pee & poop (enough about that) whilst simultaneously doing my 10 minutes of meditation and stroking the heads of the perpetually confused and perpetually in motion GSDs. Who says multitasking is hard? #MeditationMaster
- Boil water to make a hot lemon drink – this helps flush out toxins and wakes up your blah de blah de blah. Don’t have a lemon, only have a green, a furry green. It’s lemony inside, just like me, that’ll do.
- Now time for some deep work. I read a few funny memes on reddit, lol at the questions on quora, catch up on email, stalk crazy people on facebook and pluck a few stray hairs from my chin.
- I change out of my night time PJs and into my day time PJs – I work from home, what do you want from me?
- Clean teeth whilst lamenting my wrinkles. Take glasses off and feel ten years younger. Trip over perpetually confused. #Yoga(falling)TreePose. Really, that’s enough yoga for today.
- Make the bed – apparently rich and famous people always make their bed in the morning – they probably don’t have a snoring Italian and 3 dogs in theirs. I’ll leave it to him to do when he wakes up…
- Wake the rest of the house up accidentally by treading on the face of perpetually confused whilst making coffee. How does he do that?
- Let all 7 dogs out, feed horses, cats, goats, ducks and chickens. Pick poo… …from under my finger nails.
- OK, let’s get down to it – focus on The 1 Thing – finding my notebook where I wrote down my 101 things To Do.
Time for another coffee…
PS: No dogs were hurt in the making of my day, though I did bang my head, thanks for asking